In the blog post just below this one, I mentioned having trouble sending messages out. What I wanted to do was invite some of you to help me finish this poem. If you have an idea or 2 to add to it, I'll incorporate it and post the finished product. Just don't get upset if I don't put in the poem your exact wording; I know where I want this to go, and I'll still give you credit for the phrasing or whatever you contribute. There's a whole world ofvampires and bats and werewolves and full moons and spiders and spooks and voodoo and hoodoo and etc. that I haven't mentioned in it yet, so help me find the words to put all that into it. So put your thinking cap (witches hat?) on and get those creative juices flowing:
I can not for the life of me figure out how to send a message or a broadcast. I know I did this awhile back, but covenspace has undergone some changes since then and I don't know if the messaging part may be corrupted right now. I actually had the message composed, then when I went to choose who to send it to it wiped out my message. Am I just covenspace illiterate??? If it's really OK and the problem is operator error (me), could one of you kind souls reading this shoot me a message and give me a hand here? <3 I'm going to assume that if I don't here from some of the regular messagers like Taliesin or Nyanah that something is screwy with covenspace at the moment.
For more info, go to http://www.stjohnsoceansprings.org/ ,
then click on the Renaissance Festival link at the bottom of the page.
Faire sur Le Mer
May 5 & 6, 2007
2007 Ocean Springs Renaissance Festival
hosted by St. John’s Episcopal Church
The 2007 “Faire Sur La Mer” or “Faire By The Sea” will be held Saturday May 5 and Sunday May 6, 2007 at the corner of N. Washington (Hwy. 609) & LeMoyne Blvd. The large, open site will showcase a full contact equestrian joust. Splintered wood lances, armored knights and thundering hooves will greet you at the castle entrance! The hours of the festival will be 9 to 5 both days. There will be a King’s Feast on Friday evening May 4, 2007 at 6:30pm. at the Gulf Hills Hotel.
I am just about at my wit's end lately. You know how sometimes nothing is hugely wrong, but there's so many little things going wrong or acting up that you don't know how much more you can put up with. I don't even have any huge problem (well, unless you call the $300,000 debt I'm in because of my !#^%$^@^@` husband huge); I don't have kids, there's no close family member with a terminal illness, and I have one of the better jobs at one of the most prestigious organizations in my area. And my health is perfect (at least physically). Sometimes you just get to feeling that life is pointless, so what's the.... uh... point of carrying on?
I mentioned my husband and debt. He is a horrible money manager; when we married 10 years ago he owed $12,000 on credit cards, lived at home with his parents who did not make him help out with bills, whereas I owed only a $189 car note and was on my own taking care of living expenses. Then when we built our house 4 years ago it went spectacularly over budget; he built it as that's what he does for a living, and I'm convinced those poor money management skills had something to do with it soaring from his original estimate of $90,000 to $250,000. Then he goes this past year and buys himself 2 brand new trucks ($40,000 each), while I'm driving a small one with over 200,000 miles on it and a back-up that's 10 years old, both been paid off for years (he gets himself a new one at least every 2 years). So because of him we're in over $300,000 debt. Plus he stole $4500 from me recently and I found where he's been taking out home equity loans behind my back against the land we live on that my dad left to me when he died (meaning if all this isn't paid, I lose the last thing my father left me and will have no place to go, while my punk husband still stands to inherit almost 300 acres from his parents).
On top of that, he is a born again, fundemented Christian; I was too when we married so I can't really blame him for this one. But I moved on and of course have been accused of 'devil worship' because that's all they think about anything that's outside of their definition of Christianity. So because of that, I keep my metaphysical studies to myself; my progress in this area is severely stunted because of it and I feel horribly repressed and like I live in a pressure cooker.
I'm not a neat freak about housecleaning, but I am not at peace if it's too terribly bad around me, and I like to show a little pride in this white elephant house I'm paying for. But I have 9 cockatiels (actually 10 for this week as I'm babysitting a tiny tyrant that has destroyed my office), a yellow-naped Amazon that is the most ungrateful one beast on this planet (next to that husband), and a poor old dog who is at Death's door. I can not keep this house clean with this thundering herd, and my husband, who is an absolute pig, makes it worse. I spend hours every week taking care of this bunch and cleaning house, just to have them mess it up again 5 minutes after I finish cleaning. How can I be a responsible pet owner when I really want to chop all their heads off (except for the dog)???
I work in the office of a large organization, and the office politics are disheartening. I get so sick and tired of the fake personalities, the horrendous waste of money I see every day, the crook who administration didn't prosecute when his embezzlement was discovered (the only reason I can see why they wouldn't is they didn't want their own crooked ways discovered and their gravy trains ended), the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do management, the psycho beeatch I work for, the wimpy director of our dept who will not stand up for us, the general unfairness, the pathetic 1.5% raises, and having to get up at 5:15 a.m. to go to a job I hate. I don't mind working at all, but a mentally healthier environment would be nice. And because of the debt mentioned above, I can't trade it for a lesser paying but better for me job.
Let's not talk about the government. My disgust for them is boundless. They are the biggest organized crime racket in this country and there's not a blasted thing we poor indentured servants.... I mean taxpayers... can do about it. If we did the things they do, we'd be in jail.
My dog is over 18 years old, and I watch her get weaker every day. I won't go into detail because if I do I'll start crying all over my keyboard, but she does not have much longer. I spend hours every week just with her because I'm afraid each one is the last one. I wish I could get rid of all this other clutter from my life and go back 15 years when it was just she and me, living in a tiny mobile home, without that damn husband screwing life up for us. Oh, how do I move forward when backward looks so much better?
So. Even though I have no one major factor going wrong in my life, there are so many little ones that they are overwhelming. How do I climb out of this rut before it becomes a grave, which actually sounds pretty good at the moment? How do any of us have the strength to go on when life has no real point, no enjoyment, just year after year of work and worry and mental misery? If you know the answer, I'm all ears.
Blog post about going to NOLA deleted. I'll be spending my tourism dollars on the Mississippi coast, which was harder hit than NOLA but somehow keeps getting overlooked in all the hoopla.
